In our posts you will see us use a rating system that has terms like “Royal Flush,” or “High Card.” We are using the 10 kinds of winning hands of poker to help us rate experiences, places, foods, and everything else.
Here are the 10 hands of poker, and what they mean to us (as far as rating, not necessarily in playing);
High Card – 1 out of 10. This is abysmal, and literally (almost) anything beats this. This is bad, and you should feel bad. There are no kittens. Anywhere. Ever.
One Pair – 2 out of 10. Not great. Probably not going to be worth it, but if everything else sucks it might seem ok. There was a kitten here at one time. No longer. You missed it.
Two Pair – 3 out of 10. Meh.
Three of a Kind – 4 out of 10. Not bad, could be a winner. Maybe this is free coffee with decent creamer, or a coupon for tacos. Someone mentioned that there might be a kitten around.
Straight – 5 out of 10. A coupon for better tacos. A pleasant surprise, often a good hand. You saw a kitten when you got it, you were told that you could hang out with the kitten later if you played your cards right. Heh.
Flush – 6 out of 10. Not only is the coffee free, but they have the fancy creamer you like, which is awesome. Water pressure could be how you like it. Usually a win. Most often a good choice.
Full House – 7 out of 10. BAM! The free coffee is delicious! There might even be some free breakfast with real eggs – not weird powdered…… eggs. This is a win for sure. You got to play with the kittens, and give them kisses.
Quads (four of a kind) – 8 out of 10. OH SNAP! Things are getting serious now. The water pressures is perfect. Temperature is how you like it. The tacos are free and maybe some of the best tacos you’ve had in a while. There are kittens around, playing and being super cute. Sometimes they run over and give you love.
Straight Flush – 9 out of 10. It’s the best coffee you’ve ever had, and it’s free. There are kittens frolicking around, AND you can squeeze them. Tacos are all you can eat and they are amazing. Temperature? Perfect. Water pressure? Perfect. You don’t think it can get better!
Royal Flush – 10 out of 10. Impossible to beat. There is no better rating/hand, which makes it so rare. The rarest and highest of these would be the Royal Flush of Spades. Nothing in the world will ever beat this. Ever. This is like snuggling kittens while eating ice cream, drinking the most delicious of beverages, while also eating pasta and all the things, while not getting fat. There is a handsome/gorgeous person ready to cater to your every need. Perhaps with a fan. The temperature is a perfect 72 degrees. You don’t have to work tomorrow, your bills are paid, and you have all the money in the bank. The bed is the perfect firmness, the pillow is cool on both sides, and did I mention kittens?